The End of an Era...Kind of.

Guys, I've done something drastic. I'm officially stepped down from raiding, at least for the moment.

I don't think this fact has truly set in for me yet. Raiding for me has been that thing I've always done, it's what has been the consumer of the bulk of my in-game time since I began playing "seriously" back in the Burning Crusade. While I do enjoy a good reputation grind, the hunt for those elusive rares, and playing dress up with my latest alt, raiding has always been where I've sent the vast majority of my energy. Why on Azeroth would I remove myself from something I love so wholeheartedly, even temporarily?

The answer to this question is rather complex, but the TL; DR version is simply: Burnout.

I've been raiding full tilt for a bit over a year now, much longer if you add in my prior years of raiding. I came back into the raiding scene shortly after the initial nerf to Firelands after a lengthy forced break and haven't had a whole lot of down time since. Mists of Pandaria, while fantastic on so many levels, has proven to be an incredibly overwhelming experience for me. Between the rush to level 90 - which was great fun and one rush that I'm unlikely to repeat - and the reputation grinds and the mad hurry to get geared up, get through this raid, loot dramas, fight this boss, show up every night, oh crap we need to recruit, do up the videos, write some posts, run this, organize that, solo all the things, raid raid raidsmashfaceonkeyboardginger shamanistic raaaaaage...it has kind of all piled up on me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that I'm somewhat masochistic when it comes to this game and all of my projects. I'm everywhere at once, and I have a tendency to take everything upon myself. Is it necessary that I be the keeper of combat logs, maker of pixelated kill videos, manager of the guild's website, and the one who is first to jump up and say "I'll do it!" whenever the guild needs recruitment forum posts? Absolutely not, but I've always enjoyed doing all that because some of those things need to be done anyways, and I like to make it so that my guild may have nice things. There's also absolutely no reason why I should be the only person to have a hand in the Twitterland Raiding site, but I have that terrible habit of taking it all on by myself. Making guides on this blog or videos for Youtube isn't mandatory for enjoyable game play, but I do it anyways because I know that there are a few select folks who enjoy seeing that sort of thing. The things mentioned in this paragraph are all things I highly enjoy. I do not believe that my issues lay within all of my projects, but rather in one aspect of my favorite pastime.

For the past several months, logging on to raid has felt like more of a chore than something I looked forward to. Instead of thinking to myself "Yes! It's raid night!" my thought processes were more along the lines of "Fuck, I have to raid tonight." This shift in the way I thought about my evening activities were brought on by a number of things, things I shan't go into detail at this point in time, but let's just say I'm not very happy with this change.

Needless to say, my negative way of thinking has impacted me on several levels. Where I was hyper aware of what was going on in the raid, I tend to find myself on auto-pilot, even on new encounters where such a thing can be incredibly hazardous to a boss kill. Where I was once able to easily joke and bullshit with my raid mates, I'm finding myself to be grumpy and resentful. Where I was once relaxed, I'm finding myself feeling anxious and often end up with stomach aches and massive tension headaches. Raiding, for as much as I love the thrill of seeing a new boss fall, love pushing myself to perform on the next level, love getting that new weapon upgrade...it just, it doesn't feel right anymore. It feels bad. I don't enjoy having something that I adore so much feel so wrong.

Change is absolutely needed, so it is with a heavy heart and an "aw crap, this sucks" look on my face, I am removing myself from the raiding scene for now. I'm unsure if this will be a permanent change, but it is most certainly one that shall remain for the time being. Whether I'll return with a renewed vengeance in a few weeks, a few months, a few tiers, or a few years, you can bet your butt that I'll come out swinging harder than ever.

So, what now? Why am I bothering to write this post at all? Well for starters, this post is me working through a massive knot that's been building in my belly for quite some time. My thoughts about stepping down have stricken me with quite a bit of internal conflict, and in a way I just needed to get it down in writing. Like most bloggers, I have that need to just get crap off my chest, and I prefer to do it in my own little realm of the internet. This post is also in part to inform my readers that, despite me removing myself from one of my main activities, I do plan on remaining quite active in the game. Saz will not be laying down her weapons anytime soon, but she will definitely be taking a bit of time to hit up the spa and relax her weary muscles.

What can you expect of me in the future? A lot, I hope. It is my deepest wish to get back into the loop with the lovely blogging community, as it feels like I have been neglecting you all for ages. I also hope to start doing more content videos, be it guides, soloing, or random crap I happen to be doing. I have plans that will hopefully breathe new life into the Twitterland Raiding project, and goals for both in game and out of game growth on a personal and social level. As per usual, I plan to take on a crapload of projects. Without raiding on the schedule though, I hope to bring these projects to you all, and the greater WoW community, both more efficiently and with better quality.

As you can see, I have a lot of hopes, a lot of plans. In this apparently post-apocalyptic world I shall be making a point to begin anew. Perhaps not so much anew as bringing about a massive turning point that should hopefully bring about more happiness for at least myself, if not those around me as well. That's the ultimate goal: to create something(s) that not only make me happier, but to also bring some happiness to my fellow internet friends. After all, happiness breeds happiness, and negativity is always sure to be a continuous downward spiral.

Let's all keep on swingin'. Here's to new leaves being turned over, new projects, new horizons, and a soon to be new year.

Brain Soup

It has been a long time since I've done a personal post. Hell, as of lately I've had a hard time getting any sort of post out at all. This is mostly due to disinterest, burnout, apathy, a writing dry spell...call it whatever you want, but sadly I just haven't been able to arse myself to do something that I at one point really, really enjoyed. I mean, I still do enjoy it to an extent. There is nothing that I like more than sitting down and jamming out some hair brained idea, turning that idea into an epic wall of text that is capable of making the eyes of even the most eager of readers bleed. It seems though I have lost the ability to start up my typing engine. Kind of.

Part of me takes great pleasure of babbling, make no mistake about that. Given the right prompts I can go on for hours, but sadly as of the past many months I've had no real desire too. For a long while I had valid excuses for not writing: busy pushing progression with the guild, busy with TLR, busy with...I don't know, laundry maybe. Which in a way, busy is how I prefer things despite my incredibly lazy nature, but all that busyness kind of really pulled me away from my already floundering creative groove.

This isn't to say that I will ever be closing up shop on either of my blogs. I still hope to finish my FBN story, despite how dissatisfied I am with the quality of it thus far (well, it was meant to be an exercise in story telling after all, so I'm not sure what sort of quality I was expecting from someone as inexperienced as myself), I do plan on at least attempting to finish off this How To Enhance series on heroic Dragon Soul, and I will re-tackle the leveling guide, though the leveling guide may wait until MoP hits. I mean, there's no sense in writing a leveling guide when it's all going to be bunk in a few months anyways, right? Yeah it's a lazy cop out, but it's the truth of it.

So far this babble post hasn't even remotely been about the topic(s) that I wanted to yammer on about. I think I originally wanted to talk about some philosophical bullshit about the cycles in life and friends with ups and downs and fall-outs, and somehow it had this nice clever hook that connected the whole idea back into WoW...it was pretty brilliant, let me assure you. Maybe at some other point in time I'll be re-arsed to start up another post that will hopefully express this enlightened idea or whatever. As of right now...eh, I'm happy just to be typing black words onto a white screen.

Maybe you've vibed me already, dear reader. I'm in a funk. Yup, another one of Saz's Famous Funks. Hmm, sounds like a ridiculous sort of ice cream...anyways. I'm in a funk for a variety of reasons; some pertain to life, others to family, some to people (which also tied into the topic that I originally set out to write, but instead am finding myself to be typing out this drivel), and at least a bit to our beloved Azeroth itself.

You know that moment when you first realize that you have a sneeze that's kind of stuck? Not quite the point where it feels like your sinuses are about to blow through the front of your face, but that moment when the sneeze is just an obnoxious little itch you get, that tickle that resides deep inside your nasal cavity. That's kind of an awkward metaphor for where I am with essentially everything right now. I'd really like to sneeze and just move on with it already, but instead I'm stuck here making funny faces.

WoW has always been my great distraction from life things, and right now we're hitting some rather nasty summer doldrums. Mists of Pandaria isn't estimated to be released until probably about August (the absolute earliest in all likeliness) and already it's become a struggle for even the 10 man raid teams to keep on raiding due to the attendance boss. Part of that is because of burn out from the game in general, some of it is because people are bored to shit of Dragon Soul already (LFR was nice and all, but I think it's created a burnout for the more active raiding community that has surpassed even the burnout of the ICC era) with no official end in sight for that instance as end game, and of course it's that time of gear when other new shiny things start rearing their heads *coughDiablocough*. So yeah, my happy place is sadly becoming a bit of a headache and heartbreak combination. Three raiders didn't bother to show up tonight with no word on what's going on? POW right in the kisser. Guess yo ass won't be raiding tonight!

*grumbles*

No, I still won't be playing D3 until all the damn hype has died down. I'll see you all in there in six months to three years. Sorry, that's just how I'm gonna roll.

Despite my disgruntled frustrations with pretty much everything as of late, not everything is all that bad. No, Chicken Little; the sky is not falling and the end is not near. In game I've been taking a little enjoyment out of leveling my original shaman (as in THE first shaman I ever rolled) as elemental, plus I've been pulled into the company of this late night guild, along with some of my more favorite fellas from my current guild. We've been slowly working on those pain-in-the-ass heroic end bosses of tier 11, and despite all of the wipes it hasn't been a totally unpleasant experience. Since TLR is kind of on the down swing (only temporarily I hope) and it seems almost impossible to get everyone from my current raid group to commit to Dragon Soul and Firelards, let alone tier 11, so the arrangement works out fairly nicely. Chill group, competent and dependable players, good people...can't really complain there. The later hours are kind of funky for even me to get used to, but hey, if I'm awake anyways may as well do some raiding that isn't the brain blender of LFR.

Since I have no idea on how to properly end this post, let me leave you with the words of wisdom from the trolls: Stay away from da voodoo!

The Demise of the Raiding Scene

Dramatic title is dramatic, right? Please allow me to assure you that this isn't some far-fetched "ZOMG WoW is dead!" post, because I personally feel that World of Warcraft is far from dead. It might be a bit lethargic compared to some of the more booming periods that the game has had in its rather lengthy life span, but the numbers show that our beloved game is still far from calling 'closing time'. Let me assure you my Chicken Littles, the sky is not falling. While WoW may be far from ready to close its digital doors, there are some severe issues within the community, or more specifically within the sub communities that we have come to know as guilds.

Let us get something perfectly straight here, the raiding scene is not yet dead. It is in a serious state of decline, but it is not yet dead. May folks will be quick to point the finger at Blizzard and say "This raid is horrible, thanks for killing my guild!" While in some respects Blizzard is responsible for the vibe, the feel, the success or failure of a raid design, I do not believe that it is really anyone's fault but the player's own for the rise and fall of a guild, and in turn the game as a whole.

Think about it. A company can make a great product, put their heart and soul into it, but it is up to the community to play it. Back in the day, Blizzard put out a far from perfect product that we all know today as "Vanilla WoW". It was a grind-fest riddled with bugs and imperfections, but the players sucked it up, adapted, and dealt with it. Today we game in a much different world. Azeroth's major bugs are often sprayed down within a week or two of discovery. Travel to dungeons is instant, graphic quality is slowly improving, and long grinds are no longer really present. In a time where things couldn't be too much better, anything little thing that players do not care for, be it a bug that wasn't fixed on the spot, a raid experiment that flopped, Blizzard's attempts to include everyone in their game (which I think is pretty cool for the record, since inclusion seems to be a rare beast with whatever subject you may speak about), that new tier set or talent change for class x, or whatever other thing you can think of, is often complained about loud and clear. Wading into any sort of WoW forum often reminds me of walking into a store where a mother is trying to deal with a screaming, unwieldy child that isn't getting that lolly pop that he/she wants so damn bad.

What I'm trying to get at here folks is the fact that we, as a community, are suffering from a dual epidemic. Epidemic number one is the "spoiled gamer syndrome" or "entitlement syndrome", which is where many (but not all) players within WoW feel that they need everything and they want it now, everyone else's happiness and convenience be damned. The second epidemic is that of burnout.

Burnout is no stranger to anyone well versed in the Azerothian scene. It can happen to anyone at anytime. It's kind of like getting a new pair of shoes really. At first you slip your feet into them and go "Man, these feel awesome!" and they may continue to feel that way for quite a while. Eventually though they'll wear on your feet, causing blisters (drama) which can heal with time, or maybe they will cause your feet to swell which make that shoe an uncomfortable fit (finding yourself in a guild that you're not really into), or maybe the shoes just lose their appeal all together or give out on you (disinterest in the game, the loss of friends or your raid team which results in disinterest of the game). The best way to try and avoid any of these issues is to wear these shoes in moderation, but sometimes we end up enjoying the walk that we're on far too much to really notice the, metaphorically speaking, pain in our feet until it is too late. Some folks manage to grin and bear it, others will complain about it; eventually all will remove their shoes.

Right now my shoes are fitting pretty good. They fit pretty well, the colorful elements on them keep me entertained, but for some reason my damn shoelaces aren't quite staying tied. To get to the heart of it, my guild is currently struggling.

I haven't wrote about this yet, but about a month and a half ago I applied to a 25 man raiding guild and was accepted. I joined them the second week of Dragon Soul and I haven't looked back. My first raid with them was mind blowing; we had 7-10 people sitting at one point because the raiding roster was bursting, Deathwing was downed for the first time that week, banter was amazing. It was a complete culture shock to the usual low key, almost no one speaks in vent, 10 man raiding team that I was used to. I loved and am still loving it. The holidays hit. Nearly every holiday brings along a bit of an attendance slump, no big deal. Punch one. SW:ToR launches and naturally there's a good chunk of interest of that within the our nerdverse, again no big deal. Left hook, punch two. Progression slows because of a sparse raiding roster, tempers rise because regular modes are apparently "too easy" but we don't have enough of the right bodies for a proper raid composition to take down heroic modes, people finally notice their burnout and quite. Sucker punch, hit three. Throw all those factors together and you have one hurting guild. We're not dead by any means, but our raiding rosters have been looking mighty sickly as of late.

My guild is not alone.

Is this type of situation something that Blizzard can fix? Sure, if they had a magic wand that allowed them to make every single person happy forever. Sarcasm aside, Blizzard can only fix the mechanics of WoW. I personally think that they should stick to their guns a bit more with what they do, do what they think is right for the game, and stop this craziness where they try to cater to every single last gamer's whim. You can't please everyone. Should they take suggestions? Sure, but they don't have to try to tack on every single idea to the game itself. Sometimes less really is more, and right now it feels like Azeroth is one hell of a clutter closet.

What really needs to be fixed about WoW is the general mentality of the gaming community. We don't need the addition of shiny new graphics (though, I know I wouldn't turn them down), nor do we need some crazy new gimmick to pull us in. No, we need a serious revamp of the general attitude. If Blizzard is going to play parent to their public, they need to put on their mommy/daddy pants and learn to be a bit more stern and consistent with how they do things.

Until Blizzard does that though, the community itself needs to take charge in order to get the change that I think is desperately needed. Here's a few things that I think individuals could do that would help with that change.

- If you're tired of playing the game, then take a break. Don't put a time limit on this break; only come back when you want to. Be responsible with this, especially if you are a raider. Give your raid leader a week or two head's up so that they may begin to look for a replacement. Vanishing without a trace and leaving your raid/guild hanging is never a cool thing to do.
- Don't throw your unhappiness into the faces of your peers. If you dislike the game for x and y reason, that's fine, however reasons x and y do not give you a badge that entitles you to try and ruin the game for others.
- Don't flaunt the fact that you "quit" the game and don't run around screaming "OMG THE PANDAS ARE COMING! WOW IS DEAD!!!1!" because it's obnoxious and we're all tired of hearing it; hearing these things make the rest of us grouchy. We don't want to be grouchy, we want to enjoy the game that helps us get away from it all. Really though, we get it. You don't want Pokemon and Pandarans. Last time I checked everyone groaned about Death Knights, Worgen, Blood Elves, Draenei, and pretty much every other major implement to the game. Most seem fine with those additions now. It's okay to have new elements and lore come into play.
- Enjoy your time in Azeroth. If your guild weighs down on you and you find yourself not enjoying the company that you're in, make a change. Most people do not change, but changing the environment you reside in is always an option. There is no reason to be loyal to something that makes you miserable; it's unhealthy and misery tends to breed more misery.
- You know that old saying of "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"? Embrace it. We all get snarky from time to time and it can be a riot to pick on that warlock in LFR who is doing 4k dps, but for as "fun" as these things can be, it's honestly all just unnecessary negativity. Differences of opinions happen, try to learn something from another person's viewpoint. That lock pulling 4k dps? Maybe it's their first 25 man raid since the middle of Wrath and they had no idea that they'd drop to 2fps during the Ultraxion encounter. If you don't know the situation, or even if you do, don't throw more negativity into the mix. It doesn't help or fix anything.
- Be a positive influence in your environment. Let me give an example. If a "noob" asks a question in General or Trade chat and is only met with trolling, reach out and give him/her a legit answer. If someone whispers you about how they can improve their character, give them some helpful advice, or if you honestly don't know perhaps point them in the direction that they can find the information that they seek. Be helpful, don't be a tool.

Do I ever see the community as a whole embracing even a few of my view points? Not really. I think at this point we are stuck in a really nasty cycle of negativity breeding negativity, and after dealing with it so long most folks are simply walking away because it's easier to do that than to fix the issues at hand. People are tired. They're tired of the same old dramas, they're tired of the stagnation that comes with (in my case a very old) server-based communities, they're tired because they've been playing the same game for 4/5/6/7+ years and may no longer hold the same charm for them that it once did. LFG/LFR is not killing the community and Blizz isn't actively trying to do harm to the community (it would be bad business on their part to do so; they really are trying to make it a better place for us all despite what certain experimental flops may look like). Simply put the community is wearing on the community. The best prevention that we have is to take care of ourselves, do better for ourselves and others, and hope that others follow suit. More positivity, more lending a helping hand, less crying and moaning about not getting our own way all the time. Burnout will happen to everyone at some point, and those folks will come back if they have a community that they actually want to return to. Perhaps if we all do our part, we can rekindle that community, that place where everyone wants to hangout, once again.

While the end of Azeroth isn't quite nigh, it will happen eventually. Raiding will not cease forever tomorrow, our friends will not disappear suddenly into the shadows of memory, but it will happen someday. In the end though that's okay, because every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

Resolutions

For the record, I am terrible with making resolutions. Long have I given up trying to make promises that I cannot keep. As it turns out I'm a pretty terrible liar, even to myself. So in general I strive to always keep one thing in mind, even in moments where it seems absolutely impossible to do so: stay positive. Doesn't always work, but I suppose that is why I chose the word 'strive' instead of the phase 'this is what I always do.' I guess it has something to do with being an imperfect human, or something.

Anyways, random story time. As I was streaming tonight a broadcast popped up in my chat box from Xfire. It wasn't a warning about behavior, nor was it a message about them having to do maintenance on anything. No, it was simply a sweet message from the Xfire team wishing its users a Happy New Year. I thought I'd share this message with you all since I couldn't have come up with better words myself for this occasion.

"Let this new year be better than all the others. Vow to do some of the things you have always wanted to do but could not find the time. Call up a forgotten friend. Drop an old grudge, and replace it with some pleasant memories. Vow not to make a promise you think you can not keep. Walk tall, and smile more. Do not be afraid to say, I love you. They are the sweetest words in the world. Happy New Year!"

I can't promise to do any of these things personally, for it could end up being a promise that I may unknowingly (or possibly knowingly) break, but I think everything in that message is something to strive for. There's never harm in trying to go after the positive things in life.

To new relationships, new friends, new guilds, new jobs and new beginnings. To better health and better luck. To new projects, new ambitions, and new adventures. May your well of inspiration and hope never run dry, and may this year rock harder than the last.

Cheers.

When Real Life Drops In

It has been a good long while since I've done a sort of "Getting real with Saz" post, and there are two reasons behind this: 1) things are more or less improving for me, even if it is horribly slow progress, so I've had no real need to vent 2) it's been weeks since I've had any urge to write any sort of meaningful content. We can blame summer, we can blame apathy, we can blame the fact that I'm a lazy bugger. Regardless of what we blame my lack of quality posting on, I once again feel the need to vent a bit about real life. Forgive me if you're here for semi pretty pictures and WoW content, for this post may disappoint you in that aspect.

Back to Whence We Came

It's Monday (maybe not so much now that I've spent a few hours babbling and singing on Skype to a friend), and today's theme in the blogging world seems to be that of nostalgia. In many corners of the blogging world there seems to be a lot of the feelings being expressed as of late due to the loss of several high profile personalities. I'm still rather new to the blogosphere so some of these feelings are a tad bit lost on me, but the feeling of loss and being left out of a certain aspect (ie getting to know these apparently amazing folks) still has a bit of an impact on a newbie such as myself. That's not quite what I want to talk about in this post though. Quite frankly others (namely Vidyala and Fannon) have covered this topic much more thoroughly than I can at this point in time. So, what am I getting at?

Well, I actually have a nostalgic topic of my own that runs semi parallel to this topic. You see, much like my fellow bloggers who have been here for a while, I have a certain ache in my heart. I'm missing the "good ol' days" a lot myself lately, but instead of missing people from the blogosphere I am instead finding myself once again pining for the days of old guilds.

You know that famous saying, all good things must come to an end? It undoubtedly seems to hold true no matter what world those good things come to fruition in. I suppose it's time for another Saz story.

Geek4Lyfe: From Cradle to Grave

I need a "Getting Real with Saz" post. Since I'm not feeling ranty, you won't get the one post I've been working on for a while now, and instead you'll simply get story time. And you'll like it. Blankets and teddy-bears are optional. Footy pajamas however are mandatory.

Growing up, I always tried to be one of those cool kids. Matter of fact, for most of my adolescence I was under the delusion that I was one of those cool kids, and that the other kids in the "popular group" just didn't see it. In hindsight I have to wonder what my younger counterpart really considered cool about myself. I mean, I was a ginger who at the time was covered in facial freckles, sporting overly large purple glasses, had one hell of a version of the family's gap tooth smile, and suffered from some rather odd social quirks around my peers (it was called being horribly shy). Sure, I was that tough tomboy who didn't take shit from anyone and could hold my own with the boys on the playground, but apparently the other kids will only fear you, not like you. What in my child's mind made me decide that was cool?

Honestly, my geekdom started way before I even realized it. When I was very little, I was the type of child who insisted on wearing cute little dresses, only to turn around and grab my dinosaurs, dust being kicked up by my heals as I headed to the nearest sand mount. After a few years I got into books (I was in love with the Thoroughbred series, the Animorphs series, and even had a brief stint with Goosebumps though that didn't last long; never did like being scared) and the glasses that came with the territory of developing an astigmatism just added to it.

Enter middle school, when we were given the option to walk over to the public middle school for band class. You see, I was in a Catholic school, and our music classes ended in the 5th grade. At 6th grade we had the option of taking band, and I thought to myself "Only dorks participate in band." and I scoffed at my friends for participating in the class. Even though I had already shown decent promise in the ways of music, I shunned it before I gave it a shot. I know what you're all thinking: "Omg! U went to Catholic school? piks!" Yes I did, and yes I had a uniform until the 7th grade. You cannot have pictures you perv, because I was eleven. If an eleven year old in a black plaid skirt turns you on, you may need to seek mental help.

...anyways. Jump to 7th grade, in a new town and a new school. This school too was Catholic, but didn't require uniforms (it took me until highschool to develop a sense of fashion that didn't leave me feeling like a dork who was stuck in the early 90s) and it had a music program right there in the facility. Now, I had a choice when I went there; either take band, or join some nature science thing, which did field trips to swamps to play with frogs and stuff...how the hell did I choose band? Regardless, I gave it a shot despite starting two years behind everyone else.

The day I got my clarinet I geeked so extremely hard. My view on band flipped a complete 180 within the span of a few minutes. I wanted to take this thing out to recess with me. I wanted to tote it into every classroom, put together outside of its case of course. I was in love.

I was self taught and I struggled. I didn't have years worth of practice and/or lessons like my peers. Even through the frustration, my geekisms prevailed. I practiced; I spent lunch periods in the band room, and then went home to squawk up a storm there as well. Band hour was my favorite part of my day. I love my teacher - seriously, she was awesome. And one day during rehearsal, we were working on a piece. She had our one and only bass clarinetist play one of his parts for what I believe was Pink Panther Meets the Flintstones. So he played his little line, she smiles and says "Man, I love the sound of a bass clarinet." I thought about this, and listened to him more closely whenever I could actually hear him play. I realized that I sort of had a love thing going on with the growly little low end instrument. Unfortunately it wasn't until high school that my music experimentations began.

Jump to the summer before high school. I wanted to do band, but band came at a price. If you weren't participating in a fall sports function, you had to join...dun dun DUN!!!!...marching band. Enter anti-geek panic mode. Both my best friend and I were desperately looking for ways out of marching band. We searched high and low, and even considered attempting to join the dance team...though how the pair of us would have managed to get onto the dance team is beyond me, having about the experience equal to that of hyperactive turtles in a rave between the two of us as far as actual dancing was concerned. So with much grumbling and cringing, we ended up going to our first day of "Band Camp."

Hush your snarky remarks.

Lo and behold, we both ended up loving it by the end of our first game. Yes, football was horribly boring, but all the hooting, hollering, and the procession back where we had a massive 15 minute drum circle thing under our entry canopy was a tiring blast to say the least. We were hooked and were there to stay. Later on we pitied the dance team in their skimpy outfits in the 20 degree weather. We had cozy wool uniforms after all, and Mountie hats with giant red feathers sticking out the backs.

So began my music affair of my high school years. I had an amazing band instructor who let me jump around on instruments (I ended up on bass clarinet that first year, once we switched from marching season to concert season; later on ended up picking up alto saxophone/tenor saxophone/baritone saxophone/bass drum for marching season and eventually settling on Eb alto contra bass clarinet for concert seasons) and I managed to wiggle my way up into our top band, which during my junior/senior year was invited to play out at Carnegie hall. I participated in our state solo and ensemble competitions (usually ensembles, I hated soloing anything), did pep band, did symphonic band, participated in at least two school musicals (Guys and Dolls, and I want to say West Side Story) and even eventually joined up with the orchestra on cello. The most fun I had in high school? Putting on an Eric Whitacre concert. Please, allow me to geek and proceed to link you youtube pages that will enlighten you all to the pure win that is Eric Whitacre. We had a huge concert, which if I remember correctly also included our orchestra and our choirs from the school. The pieces that I recall playing - there were many, but my memory is horrible - were Godzilla Eats Los Vegas which came complete with screams and a giant projection in the background of Godzilla himself, Sleep, which I think all three branches of the music depo were in on, and of course, Ghost Train. For Ghost Train we decked out the stage in black lights, glow sticks (we needed light for our music!), body paint, and of course fog machines. We did not however perform Equus, which breaks my geeky little heart. Equus to me is like the holy grail of Eric Whitacre compositions, and is basically the one piece of music that could probably bring me back into music, if only for one concert. Every time I listen to Equus, I get chills. Not to mention, Eric Whitacre is such a hunk. I mean he's talented, has long, amazing hair...he's just...*sigh*

Excuse me, I was having a musical wet (day)dream there for a second. Pardon me while I clean up a bit...

Where was I? Right, band geekdoms. I fell for them hard and uh...sorry, I was listening to Equus in the background. I got distracted.

So, my music career followed me into college. I continued on with marching band, despite the university's marching band being horribly compared to the one I was used to. Eventually I declared a music major, first in percussion, eventually in upright bass (yup, still an orch dork). Somewhere in there I became an art person, so even though I switched departments, I still lived in the music department because...well, all my friends where there. Art people are kinda weird anyways, and not in the fun, hyperactive perverted way that band kids are. Art students are creepy maaaaan.

Right, I should probably relate this back to gaming somehow. So...yeah. High school I was a band geek/orch dork/wanna be artsy fartsy "goth" kid. I didn't have internet until almost my junior year. My gaming world consisted of Super Nintendo - of which I play a mighty mean Super Metroid and nothing else really - and the original The Sims game, no expansions. Oh, and I dabbled in Civilization.

It wasn't until college that I had a semi-decent laptop and managed to get my paws on World of Warcraft. I tried a year or so earlier to get into WoW, but sadly my noobiness was so strong that I had purchased the Warcraft III battle chest instead of the basic World of Warcraft box. I was honestly off to a great start in my gaming geek career. Once I did manage to purchase WoW and really get into it (some 1-2 years after having bought the vanilla version) it was over for me. I was hooked, and my geek score went from being over 9000 on the band kid scale to over 9000 on the total life scale.

You see, outside of the occasional venture with my SNES, the few major stints involving Pokemon, and musicisms, I never considered myself a geek. I wasn't the type to geek over movies, I only watched Star Trek out of boredom, I couldn't stand Star Wars (though I LOVED ewoks as a child, go figure), and I never understood tabletop RPG gaming, which apparently one of my exes was heavily into and I never realized it. Until I began my adventures in Azeroth, I was one of those cool kids. I was a badass. I hung with the stoner kids even though I wasn't one, and no one at school ever really messed with me since I didn't stir up the drama (it wasn't because I beat up kids, like in elementary school...people actually seemed to like me in high school/college).

My geekdar was apparently broken.

I hung out with the geekiest kids ever, because they were usually the most fun. I never felt apart of their world, but I was always on the edge despite the stigmas. Then World of Warcraft opened up the flood gates for me...

Now-a-days I find myself immersing myself into geek culture. Art, band geekisms, videos (youtube, you're a trap!), games, books, everything that is good in life apparently falls under the umbrella of "geek." To what friends I had back in high school and even in college, it seems as if I have caught the plague. My family doesn't understand it. In some ways I feel shunned from the people I used to spend copious amounts of time with, but on the other hand I have met and bonded with some of the most fantastic people in the world.  I think that only fellow geeks can truly realize how amazing it is to give into that inner squeal that is a geekasm, and only fellow geeks shall understand the amazingness that lies in the artistic talents of others, and only other geeks will understand why the slaying of internet dragons is such a fun pass time.

As I am beginning to grow older, I'm slowly learning to accept and embrace my inner geek, instead of trying to shun her and lock her away as society would prefer me to do. While this may exile some people in my life, I'm strangely alright with that. My geekdom opens up new doors through which I may interact with amazing folks whom I may have simply over looked while I was in my old pack of people. New folks and their ideas are never a bad thing. Matter of fact, they help bring fresh air into an otherwise rather stale life.

My name is Saz and I have been a geek since the day I was born, and shall continue on being a geek 'til the day I die.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go watch some Firefly and/or Reboot. *Pushes up glasses.*



This concludes another rambling by Saz. I'd like to take a second to /wave at my current scrapers! HELLO SCRAPERS!! If you're seeing this article on another site other than on serenitysaz.blogspot aka World of Saz, stop on by my actual site. It's much more cozy over here ; )

Agoraphobia and WoW: My Form of Rehab

Sorry to interrupt the general flow of this blog, but I feel like getting down and personal for once. Will this happen often? Unlikely. I'm currently feeling incredibly sterile with this blog though, along with many other things, and I want to be real for a bit. I've also been highly inspired by Beru with her incredibly moving personal post over at Falling Leaves and Wings.

This is in no way, shape, or form meant to be a "QQ" post, but rather a way to get some things off my chest. Perhaps it could also help someone else in the long run...who knows.

If you have any comments along the lines of "Lol go get help noob." or of anything of the like, please keep them to yourselves. If they pop up around here, I'll simply delete them. I have enough negativity in my life, and this blog is my realm. If you don't like it, your navigation bar is located at the top of your web browser.

This is my world. Welcome to it.