The Turkinator

The fearless warriors gathered together on a cold, bright morning. The sun had just lumbered its way over the tree lined horizon, the grass was covered in a thick layer of hoar frost and crunched under foot. The citadel lay silently before them, unsuspecting.

Loudly and without caution the raid team began to circle the large building. They pecked at the ground with their mighty beaks, looking for sustenance and booby traps. Some of the younger warriors sparred with each other, impatient for the battle to begin. 

A pair of young assassins scaled one of the fences near the citadel, trying to gain a glimpse of what they were up against. Their eyesight wasn't terribly keen but they were able to do what they meant to do and saw what they had come to see. With ungraceful dismounts they both returned to the ground with a great *thunk*. The assassins promptly reported their findings to the head Tom. The head Tom listened intently with his scaly head cocked sideways, then addressed the rest of the flock once the report had been given.

"Hens! Toms! For years we have been hunted! For years we have been chased away from the seed and corn left for the unworthy, the deer and small birds! WELL NO MORE! Today is the day, my fellow hens and toms, that we shall claim what is rightfully ours! Today we shall put the slaughter of our kind to an end! TODAY WILL BE THE DAY OF THE ALMIGHTY TURKEY!!!" *gobblegobble*

Many loud and garbled cheers rose up amongst the ranks. The head Tom cleared his throat and continued on.

*gobblegobble* "Our assassins just reported to me that the head of the citadel is not in, nor is the secondary. Likewise the pellet gun wielder seems to have stepped out. Currently the citadel is only occupied by one boss and her small army of what one assassin claimed to be "deformed rats." Our assassins have stunned the "Saz" as they called her, but she will be aware of our presence and alert once she comes back around. The "deformed rats" are still a threat, though they seem to be contained for now and will only be loosed upon us if we allow the "Saz" the opportunity to do so." *gobblegobblegobble* "There is a guard dog, but he also seems to be locked up for the moment, thus is not considered to be a threat." *gobblegobble* "A team of ten should stay here in the front yard and occupy it in an intimidating fashion. It is your duty to distract the "Saz" while our special ops team gets to work. You two young toms, you stay up front with those eight hens. You three toms there! You, the remaining hens, and myself will head around to the back where we shall try to secure the last of the bird seed. Assassins, you two will float between the positions, but keep a special eye on the side of the building, that will be our one vulnerable spot during this operation. Questions?"

*gobble* "If I may, sir." Said a little hen. What shall we do if the "Saz" exits the building?"

The head Tom's face grew very serious. "If that were to happen," *gobblegobble* "there very well could be much bloodshed. However, we have strength and we have numbers. It is my belief that even if she were to set loose the "deformed rats" and the guard dog that our numbers would still prevail. Have heart, fight fearlessly. We do this so that our already large numbers can grow greater. We do this to ensure that your chicks and your chicks' chicks will grow fat and powerful. More fat and more powerful than even we are today. We have come for our freedom, we have come for the food, we have come for our chicks' lives, and we have come for the freedom to have the food. All the food. Sacrifices may be made to ensure the fatness of the rest. The winters are cold and harsh, do you not wish for your chicks to be fat?"

"Of course sir!"

"Don't you wish to be fat?"

"Oh yes sir!!"

"Then, let us get 'Operation: Occupy Saz's Lawn' underway. Places turkeys, we have gullets to fill!"

*******

Meanwhile, inside the citadel (aka my house) ...

*Saz is minding her own business, chatting away on Twitter. Suddenly she hears a loud commotion outside of her window.*

"There are twenty turkeys on my front lawn." She tweets. "OMG!! TWO OF THEM ARE ON MY FENCE STARING AT ME!!!"

*Runs into the kitchen to see if they have invaded the backyard as well, which they have. Runs back to the computer and begins to type furiously."

"THEY'RE IN MY BACKYARD TOO! I'M SURROUNDED!!!"

*She then decides to take the advice of her twitmates, promptly borrowing a Frostmourne and a turkey baster.*

Yells: Come then champions, feed me your breasts!

**No wild turkeys were harmed in the writing of this story. However, had this been a completely true story, they would have been served up with potatoes, gravy, fresh bread, stuffing, fresh pumpkin pie, and more than likely carrots. I'm sure there would also have been a large assortment of various of other foods made available to those returning to the citadel later that evening or even visiting the next day.**

For the record, wild turkeys are SCARY. They really are birdzillas. If you don't know what a birdzilla is, I implore you to watch the original Homeward Bound movie. Chance is awesome.

I'd like to take a moment to thank several people, and groups of people for that matter, since it is indeed the season for giving thanks, and I never seem to feel thankful enough.

I'd like to thank firstly my little WoW crew, even though most of you no longer actually play. Without the support you have given me this past year (and more) I would have never taken up this writing endeavor, would have quit WoW itself long ago, and more than likely would still be a miserable mess. You all mean the world to me, and I love you each dearly for it.

Secondly I'd like to thank the blogging community as a whole. You all make up such a wonderful community, I cannot even begin to describe how wonderful it has been to slowly discover all of the individuals involved in it. I'd like to thank Blog Azeroth, Twisted Nether, the MMO Melting Pot, and all of the folks involved with making those sites happen. You all make the blogosphere a community, please keep up the great work!

Thirdly I wish to thank those of you who follow/chat with me on Twitter. You all are a brilliant, fun-loving bunch. You keep me entertained and are almost always ready with helpful advice and kind word. Please don't change your crazy ways, ever.

Lastly(ish) I'd like to thank my family (regardless of the fact that I'm 99% certain none of them will read this) and my "man-shapped loot" for everything they've done for me. They put up with my stubborn and sometimes completely ridiculous ways and have stuck by my side through some pretty rough crap. I'm grateful to and love you guys more than I often show.

And finally we get to you, dear reader. Just because you're last on my list doesn't make you any less important. Oh no. Without you reading these words there would be very little reason for me to write. Sure, I love a good rant to get things off of my chest now and again, but what's the point if there isn't someone to read it? To bounce ideas off of me, to show me that I made a mistake? Without readers a blogger is but someone who journals. So I thank you for taking time out of your (more than likely) busy day to read, comment, or simply just browse at my little corner of the internet. You help to make what I do worth it. Thank you!

Oh, and one more thank you must be given before I finish this post. Thank you Amerence, along with Blog Azeroth and everyone else who is involved with making this event a success, for putting out this post topic out there for greater blogging community. It took me a bit to come up with an idea, but it was rather fun to write! Really, I blame Twitter for giving me the idea. The creative credit goes to those looney buggers (I say that with the greatest affection guys and gals!) for this one. 

Once again, just because I can: thanks! : D